Love Bombing: Too Much Too Soon
At first, it can feel like a total dream come true. You're swept off your feet, showered with compliments, generous gifts, and constant attention. Your phone beeps nonstop with sweet thoughtful messages all day and night long. They say they’ve never felt like this before with anyone else. They say they’ve met anyone like you. They say it must be fate bringing the two of you together.
However, soon, something shifts. The warmth fades, the criticisms start, the tension grows, and the person who once seemed head over heels besotted with you is suddenly critical, controlling, and at times, even cold.
Maybe it wasn’t the perfect fairy tale love story they promised to you at the start, maybe it was love bombing?
What Is Love Bombing?
Love bombing is a psychological manipulation approach where one person smothers the partner with physical affection, verbal admiration, and intense attention as a way to assert themselves very early in a relationship. It might look like a powerful instant attraction on the surface, but it can often mask other intentions.
Signs of Love Bombing
Some common ‘red flags’ include:
Excessive flattery (constant praise, high frequency, high intensity)
Rushing intimacy (saying “I love you” in the first few days or weeks, overly affectionate right from the start).
Pressure to commit quickly (talking of marriage very early on, wanting to move in together extremely quickly)
Over-communication (texting or calling non-stop or wanting to be together 24/7)
Gifts and grand gestures (the generosity feels disproportionate to the length of the relationship)
Getting upset when you need space (guilt tripping tactics, faking illness so you cancel your plans to care for them)
True love and connection tend to build slowly and gradually and is respectful of your boundaries. Love bombing overwhelms you and your boundaries, it might make you question yourself – why aren’t I as happy as I should be, they’re everything I’ve said I wanted, they’re saying all the right things? But maybe, something feels ‘off’, too fast, too soon, or too much.
Why Do People Love Bomb?
While the reasons for love bombing may vary, it is most often an attempt to gain control in a relationship.
1. Narcissistic Tendencies
Individuals with narcissistic traits often use love bombing as a tool to gain admiration and validation. The affection is intense at first, but once they feel secure in the other person’s attachment to them, the dynamic may shift dramatically into criticism, emotional distance, or manipulation.
2. Deep Insecurity
Not all love bombers are intentionally manipulative. Some act out of overwhelming insecurity and a fear of being alone. Their excessive affection is an attempt to fast-track emotional closeness and secure commitment before the other person has a chance to walk away.
3. Power and Control in Abusive Dynamics
In toxic or abusive relationships, love bombing is often just the beginning. It serves as the entry point to a destructive cycle. Often starting with idealisation, followed by devaluation and eventually the ending of the relationship. The goal is to emotionally win over the partner, gain their trust, and later use that connection to exert control.
The Love Bombing Cycle
Love bombing is a pattern of emotional manipulation and can cycle repeatedly throughout the relationship.
Idealisation – “you’re so perfect”
You’re placed on a pedestal. They shower you with affection, praise, and attention. It feels like you're the center of their world.
Devaluation – “you’re not trying enough”
Suddenly, the tone shifts. You’re being criticised, dismissed, or emotionally neglected. The warmth fades, replaced by confusion and self-doubt.
Discard – “we’re done”
They pull away completely often ghosting, cheating, or ending the relationship abruptly, often without an explanation.
Hoovering – “I miss you, let’s try again”
Just when you start to move on, they can return with renewed affection, trying to “suck” you back in using the same intense tactics that hooked you the first time.
Recognising this cycle is a crucial step in breaking free from unhealthy patterns before they repeat and deepen.
Protect Yourself from Love Bombing
Allow Time – Genuine love takes time to grow. Be cautious of anyone who pushes for intense emotional or physical intimacy too quickly.
Hold Your Boundaries – Healthy relationships allow space for both partners needs and in turn will respect your limits.
Listen To Your Intuition – If someone’s affection feels overwhelming at first and then suddenly changes, pay attention to this inconsistency in words and actions.
Consult With Others – Talk to trusted friends, family, or a therapist. External insights can help you see the situation more clearly which can be challenging when emotions are running high.
Defuse the Love Bomb
Love bombing can feel exciting, hope filled and flattering initially, however if your intuition is not feeling comfortable about something, or other people are warning you to slow things down, it’s wise to pause and evaluate the situation.
Genuine love feels gentle, respectful and considerate. It doesn’t pressure more of you than you feel comfortable with or feel rushed and demanding. It unfolds over time, grounded in mutual trust and emotional safety. Trust yourself (and supportive loved ones) to recognise the difference between the two and remember it’s totally appropriate and understandable to need to slow things down at the start and enjoy the ride. True genuine love will happily wait and respectfully honour your request.